Bert was talking to a Greek friend, Makis, one day about the joys of fishing – Makis has his own small wooden boat and spends a lot of his time in the winter night fishing. He revels in describing the joys of catching your own fish and octopus and squid etc and loves to explain how delicious they taste.

Bert gets into the swing of things and says he too would love to have his own boat.

Of course, Makis just happens to have a ‘very close’ friend in his village who makes wonderful boats – ‘the best on the island’ in fact.

The next day a meeting is arranged between Bert, Makis (for translation) and Panagiotis the boat builder. Bert's wife and son tag along for the crack!

It takes place in a large house where Panagiotis is varnishing the window frames while the owners are away in Athens! After introductions all round, much shaking of hands and admiration of the excellent job Panagiotis is making of the window frames, the meeting begins. Panagiotis strips off the dustsheets from a very ornate couch, apologises for not being able to provide refreshments as it is not his house and tells everyone to sit.

About an hour later, in a mixture of Greek, English and with loose translation from Makis not to mention copious drawings on scraps of paper, a design is agreed on. (How many designs are there for a traditional wooden fishing boat!!).

No one has mentioned the most important thing – how much will all this cost? Bert’s wife remembers the Greek phrase ‘Posse Kanay’ which means ‘how much’ (very important when shopping!) and thinking that they will never get round to it she asks….everyone looks at her and there is a pregnant pause before Panagiotis and Makis simultaneously say – ‘Oh, very cheap, good price for you’ !!

Eventually, again after much talk and scribbling a price is arrived at. Of course it is in Drachmas- millions of Drachmas!! When this is eventually converted into pounds, which Bert understands, and Euros, which nobody understands, it is agreed that this is, in fact, a very reasonable price.

Much handshaking and head nodding later, Bert and entourage are leaving the house. ‘Oh, by the way, says Bert- ‘how long will the boat take to build?’

‘Oh, very quick, very quick says Panagiotis (via Makis) – 2 months.

Fine says Bert smiling (thinking –it’s now May, that means we’ll have a boat for July- plenty of time to enjoy the summer – trips round the bay, beach barbeques, balmy evenings fishing etc etc – a dream come true.

The next day Makis and Bert meet up and Makis has two sheets of paper covered in Greek writing. These, he explains are the contracts for the boat – both to be signed by Bert and Panagiotis and one copy for each to keep. Very impressive and organised, and so Bert duly signs.

Talk for the rest of the evening is once again about the virtues of fishing and the delicious flavour of freshly caught seafood. Bert’s wife isn’t over keen on cooking an octopus but is quietly planning the contents of the picnic hamper and which bikini to wear on the first voyage – after all it is only 2 months away.

A few days later, Bert is talking to another Greek friend, also called Makis, and tells him about the boat. Makis II agrees it is a very good price and asks to see the contract.

As he is reading it – out loud and translating it into English for Bert’s benefit it appears that everything is exactly as agreed and it sounds wonderful.

As Makis II reads the last line he looks up and says- ‘so it will be ready in November – you will be able to go night fishing in the winter’.

Mouths drop, a second opinion is sought – yes it definitely says ‘ready in November’.

Next time Bert meets Makis I he queries this with him – after all he was there when Panagiotis said ‘It will take 2 months’ – yes, Makis remembers. Makis I goes off and consults with Panagiotis, at which point all becomes clear: Bert has asked the wrong question. Yes, the boat will take only two months to build, but when it is ready will depend on when Panagiotis BEGINS it!

Panagiotis hasn’t got time (busy with window frames, house painting and various other jobs) to start building it until September!!

Anyway, it is now December and true to his word Panagiotis did start the work in September. Progress is a little slower than anticipated because:

1. Panagiotis is about 20 years older than last time he built a boat, and
2. He has two girlfriends who interrupt his work by constantly phoning him on his mobile phone and
3. A very good friend has asked him to work as the chef in his taverna in the evenings and this makes him ‘very tired’!!

NO PROBLEM – as you can see, it is progressing nicely and will be ready soon – at least Bert will have his boat in time for NEXT summer!!!